fit in anywhere.
Really, I don't.
First off, hello again! It's been a while. Trying to do anything right now is a challenge, an uphill battle. Today, though, I'm winning, so here I am.
I thought about this a lot recently. I don't fit anywhere. I'm a 40 something mom with three kids. One just decided to up and become an adult on me this past February, the second decided it was legal driving age for him just today, and the third...Holy shit...the third is going to be the one who puts me in an early grave. The pre-teen hell she's putting me through better not be a precursor of things to come!
If you're doing the math, that's quite a spread between my kids. I fall between the older moms of kids my oldest's age and the younger moms of kids my youngest's age.
Now don't get me wrong, there's a few moms my age that fall into having kids in these age ranges, but their lives are very different than mine.
There's nothing wrong there, we're all built differently. I'm not who I was twenty years ago. Twenty years ago I was out-going, social, and very very busy.
Sorry, had to run for a moment, the Patriarch came running upstairs yelling about the basement flooding...But that is for another post.
Anyhow, I'm not sure when it crept in, but it did creep.
I had plans of being the mom who baked the cookies with the neatly appointed house. The PTA mom who volunteered for everything. The "soccer mom" who hosted team meals at her house. The cool mom who went out for drinks with her other mom friends. The responsible mom that everyone was jealous of.
Yep, I wanted to be all of those things. Instead, I'm aloof, lonely (self-induced), and depressed.
I've decided I've had enough and, hopefully, the next month I can work on getting it straightened out. I miss the old me, but I still don't think I will fit in with the "mom mold" of this era. It's just not who I am.
The coolest thing about that is that it's okay. There might be times where I lament it, but in the end, it really is okay.
~Kim
