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That's how my brain feels today. We're getting back into my busy season. Between wrapping up the school year with the kids, starting little league season, my new job, and my other commitments, my brain has decided to disconnect itself from my body.
Yeah, I feel really disconnected, unmotivated, and distant. I'm in an area in my life where something's got to change, the problem being that I don't know what that "something" is.
All the sadness in the world is really weighing on me. Although none of it has affected me directly, it still affects me.
I'm going to be 40 next year. That's a big number (all the "0" years are). A milestone birthday. I'd like to be happier on my 40th birthday than I am right now. I want to feel good about life again. I want to view the world with my 20 year old eyes again, anything and everything is possible.
I've got to let go of the past, change the present, and charge into the future with the same ferocity I had in my younger years. I still have the imagination and the eternal optimism I've always had (sometimes it drives people nuts), I just need to start utilizing it again.
I'm tired of being angry all the time. Letting other people steal my happiness is no longer an option. The big difference is, any decision I make also affects 3 other people (sometimes 4 if you count my husband). Fear of failure is HUGE.
If you've met me, you know that I come off as a confident woman who knows what she wants and isn't afraid to do what she needs to do to make it happen. If you know me beyond just a few meetings, you know that's bullshit. Don't get me wrong, I can be a tough bitch, but there's SO much more to me than meets the eye.
So, here I am...at a crossroads...and my car seems to be running on empty.
~Kim
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