I'm either having...

...a really good day (yes I have those without meds) or I'm feeling the energy my doc told me I might see.

Either way, I'll take it!

The funny thing is, I've got nothing to do today. Really, I don't have to leave the house today if I don't want to.

I really don't want to and that's okay.

It's day 3.

I'm proud of myself for one thing...I have remembered to take it every morning!

My depression is so severe that it has affected my short term memory. I can't remember shit. I tell the same stories over and over to the same people. Someone will tell me something and five minutes later I will ask them about the subject like it's a completely new development. I will tell someone that I'm going to do something and then completely forget about it if I don't put it in my calendar immediately (which I constantly forget to do!).

I want to feel "normal" (good grief I hate that word, but in this case it seems necessary) so badly that I've strategically placed my pill bottle so it's the first thing that I see in the morning.

Here's a small example of how I'm feeling today as opposed to four days ago.

I went grocery shopping. I bought a cantaloupe. It sat on my counter for four days. Every time I was asked to cut it I gave the cursory, "In a minute" response. Surprise. Surprise. It never got cut.

I woke up this morning. I was asked to cut the cantaloupe (and the watermelon that had been sitting there since Saturday (for those keeping score, today is Thursday) and I gave the cursory "In a minute" response. Surprise! I got off my butt a few minutes later and cut them both.

Some people will look at this and see the ridiculousness in the fact that I couldn't even manage to cut up fruit. Others will look at this for what it is: a small victory in the grand scheme of things.

Who knows what tomorrow will bring! Maybe I'll wash, dry, fold, and put away a load of laundry! The possibilities are endless.

Today, I cut the fruit!

~Kim