Momming in an Atypical Marriage...

is atypical (didn't see that coming did you?).

I catch a lot of flack for my marriage. It's really none of anyone's business, but because people see our family doing it differently they feel the need to comment.

I'm an oilfield widow.

No no, my husband didn't die in the oilfields, he just works there...All.The.Time.

He's traveled all over the U.S. for work. For the last ten years, with the exception of about eightmonths, I've done the majority of married life alone. I jokingly call myself a married, single mother.

I hope that the actual single mothers don't take offense to this. What you do is nothing short of amazing. While some of you have amazing dads for your kids that provide and are being dads, a lot of you do it all on your own. I have no words for how incredible you women are. I mean to take absolutely nothing away from any of you.

What I've done, for what feels like forever, is manage a household, raise three children, for a time I went back to school, and work part time while my husband sacrifices so much so that I can stay home and do all of those things.

Really, this probably saved my life.

If you've read any of the last few posts around here, you know that I have been dealing with severe depression for a couple of decades. By dealing with, I mean existing and nothing more.

I have massive guilt for how much more I could have done for my kids if I was functioning like a normal human being, but I digress.

We've gone months without seeing each other. He missed out on tons of the kids' activities, successes, failures, and a ton of firsts. We often talk about the sacrifices women make for their children, but rarely do we approach the other side of the coin.

Expectations put on mothers set fathers up to sacrifice. We refer to them as baby sitters, but they shouldn't be. There are two people who created life, there should be two people who care for and own that responsibility. Dads should be able to be dads. They should be able to play Barbies with their daughters and teach their boys how to pee in the woods without prodding from Mom.

Our society is slowly changing and finally ALLOWING (that's crazy isn't it?) dads to be more than just "hunters and gatherers". It's allowing them to be sensitive and caring with their children, to take time from hunting and gathering to be there for the first weeks of new life, and most of all, it's allowing them to be more present than ever.

Most of the men will have to completely abandon what their father's taught them. You know, the "little lady in the kitchen with the immaculate house that don't say shit if they have a mouth full about anything."

That's going to take GENERATIONS! Seriously, generations! Now, don't get me wrong, there are some men who have already broken the mold, but it's a small sample. It's a social revolution that I'm excited that my own boys will be a part of.

~Kim

Momming Hardcore...

...is so fucking stressful.

Life lessons are never easy. Especially when your daughter, who used to be sweet, has encountered the temper tantrums from hell. Like, "put a two year old screaming in the middle of Target to shame" temper tantrums.

I've gone full dictator mode. Her room has been emptied of anything fun, literally stripped down to her vanity, bed, clothes, and shoes.

Let me start from the beginning.

She got grounded about a week ago for doing something dumb. Something that could have injured herself and her friends. While she didn't actively participate, she didn't stop it, and I'm all about complacency is no different than actively participating.

So, bye-bye went all electronics, friends, and going out for two weeks. Also, some manual labor was included in the punishment. When she began resisting anything she was asked to by way of screaming and crying, I decided it was time for a bit harsher punishment.

While she's respectful outside of the home, I (nor any parent) should not have to put up with certain behaviors such as; screaming, crying when one doesn't get what they want, consciously talking back, tantrums, etc.

She has nothing. She has to earn it all back through respectful behavior and compliance. (Also in some cases it is okay to buck the system, but when it comes to doing chores in your own home, it is not okay)

Let me tell you how that's going.

I'm so stressed out, I managed to come down with a mild case of shingles. She's currently screaming at me from her bedroom something so shrill that I cannot even understand what she's screaming about BUT, she's doing it from her bedroom. She's doing it from the place that I told her she is not allowed to leave until the whopping two jobs I asked her to do this morning are completed.

I asked Alexa to play some classical music. So, my house looks like a scene from a movie where all hell is breaking loose while the main character is just taking it all in to some soothing music. It's bringing my blood pressure back down. I totally get it now!

Even as I'm wrapping up this post, she's stopped screaming and has started working on at least one of the jobs.

I cannot WAIT until my children have children.

~Kim

The Agony of Defeat...

is a bitter pill.

Tonight I feel defeated. Not in a way where I actually lost anything. Not technically anyhow.

I'm in a constant battle with my ten year old. She makes some not-so-good decisions, deliberately does things she knows she's not supposed to do, and screams at me like I'm some lackey in a ship's bowels that isn't rowing fast enough.

Today, I broke.

I lost it completely.

She boxed up every single damn thing in her bedroom and I've moved it out.

Everything with the exception of the bed, clothing, and shoes.

As I hid upstairs and cried for at least a half an hour, all I could wonder is where I went wrong. How did I raise a little girl who just doesn't give a shit about getting into trouble, who has no respect for me, and no respect for the rest of the family?

I just don't understand it. I expected it in the teen years, because they all go through it, but she's only TEN! TEN!!!!

Tonight I was told that I hated her, she wants to go live with Gramma, that I should adopt another daughter who would be perfect, and that she's going to run away.

Talk about a knife to the heart.

I'm hanging tough this time. She was already grounded for a stunt she pulled earlier in the week and decided it was okay to not do what she was told to do and to mouth off.

Uh. No.

So, now, I'm the asshole mom (which I'm not good at because I don't like being the asshole mom).

She's down there asleep and I'm up here on the verge of tears again.

She's not the only reason that I'm on the verge of tears, but she's championing the cause.

I feel defeated. Really fucking defeated.

~Kim

Car Ride Conversation #2

Grocery shopping and kids...Two things that make life difficult!

PSA: I do not starve my children :)

~Kim

Car Ride Conversation #1 (Reboot with YouTube Link)

So the gremlins at YouTube processed my video a lot more quickly than I expected.

YAY!

So today's conversation revolves around (surprise) depression!

So, I suppose if I'm going to start vlogging (still weird) I should do the typical YouTube junk and say,

"Please give me a thumbs up if you like it and hit the subscribe button."

I'm going to have to come up with something better because that just sounds lame!

~Kim

Car Ride Conversation #1

My YouTube channel is still buggered.

I'm hoping that my first "vlog" (I can't get over writing that word) will upload before I'm old enough to retire.

So I'm going to give a shot to embedding the video in this post, just so I can get it up and repost tomorrow with the link to my YouTube channel.

 

So here it is...My first actual "Car Ride Conversation. I hope it doesn't suck.

~Kim

P.S. I'll learn how to edit eventually too!

Car Ride Conversations

I've decided to go ahead and launch my blog into the 21st century and "vlog" a little bit. (That's what the cool kids call it, right?)

This is an interesting thing for me.

It's cool because it's a hands free, spontaneous (and editable thankfully) way to get out what's on my mind.

Please don't expect anything spectacular. I promise to always look halfway decent. I promise to edit out the stupidity. I promise to be real.

That last one is most important to me.

I don't like the way I look. I'm not happy with my body (and no it doesn't have anything to do with body shaming (side note ooh good topic!)), but eh.

As with every other post on here, if I can just reach one person who needs to hear whatever comes spewing forth from the ever-flowing font of sarcasm and mom-ness, that's all that matters to me.

This is my own little bit of therapy.

Good luck. I hope you enjoy my first "Car Ride Conversations" which should be posting within the hour.

~Kim