We've Got Spirit...

Yes we do! We've got spirit! How 'bout you!

If you ever went to a high school football game, you've either chanted it for your team or heard it chanted.

I've got no spirit.

None.

I feel a little guilty because I'm not out supporting the local high school on Friday nights, freezing my ass off, cheering on the football team. Not guilty enough to change the fact, but a little bit.

I'm all for supporting schools, as long as I don't have to be involved.

I used to be involved in everything. PTA, classroom volunteering, and all the other crazy stuff that moms do.

Now, I have no desire to do any of it. I'll buy the kids spirit wear. I'll send money for stuff. I'll even let my kids sell the outrageously priced fundraising stuff to people we know. I'm also about to vote yes for a referendum in our school district that will up my property taxes because I know they need it to keep our schools functional.

I WORK in the school system. Very part-time and relatively unattached, but I'm in the schools.

I figured out why.

I'm bitter.

It's not the school's fault. It's my expectation's fault.

I had expectations for my kids.

One is busting his ass to live up to them (even though I never specifically shared them with him, just keep shoving him in the direction I'm hoping is best for him).

One is fighting the system.

And the other one is just too young for me to know yet.

Let me tell you what I'm bitter about.

I'm bitter that my oldest son is disabled (and don't feed me the bullshit about "differently abled"). I'm bitter that he's so smart, but his ears don't work very well and that's made life hard for him. I'm bitter that he can't successfully go to the local high school and has to live far from home to get the opportunities that he deserves. I'm bitter that most (I know several who don't fit this bill) see a kid who's got a deaf accent and is socially awkward instead of a kid who's good at sports and just wants to fit in. I'm bitter that he may actually be talented enough to go beyond and they no amount of school spirit will help him overcome the obstacles he'll have to maneuver around.

I'm bitter that my middle son is such a challenge. Yep, you read that right. Now here's why. He's smart, but thinks he's dumb. He's lazy (like his mother was back in the day). He was supposed to be different. Yep, you read that right too. He was supposed to be my reward for struggling with the oldest one. I'm bitter because no amount of school spirit will solve any of the issues that I have worked so hard and failed to improve.

I'm bitter that my daughter is just like me. She's athletic. She's smart. She's doing well in school. She's social. I'm terrified about her future.

Most of all, I'm bitter that I'm bitter.

I'm supposed to be this parent who is capable of raising her children without ranklement.

~Kim

photo credit:
Megaphones
Lemons