Wallowing in the mud...

only makes you dirty!

It's election season. I've seen ads all over my favorite television shows declaring So and So "my state's best candidate."

Really? Someone I don't even know, will never meet, who's public persona may be VERY different than their private one (think about all the affairs, closet dwellers, embezzlers, etc).

I hate politics. All it is, to me, is educated bull shitting. They know how to manipulate words and video so unknowing citizens think they're the person who can get things done. What a load of shit!

First of all, in our nation's type of government, ONE person cannot do things alone...So yeah, no matter who you elect, unless enough candidates who are like minded get elected across the nation, nothing is getting done...

So that sounds a little pessimistic. Yeah, it is. Until we stand up as a one nation (under God (yeah I said it, so?)) and let our voices ring out together it's going to continue to be nothing but "sibling rivalry" between the candidates.

We also have to remember that as a nation, we have made ourselves globally responsible. We monitor hundreds of "situations" in the world that we're aware of, and probably thousands that we're not aware of.

There are a lot of complaints about this, " we can't even clothe, feed, and house our own, yet we've got our hands in (insert random situation here)." Realistically, the world is intertwined. Our economy helps other economies as well as other economies helping our own. Granted, we may need to be more selective on where we throw our money (abroad and at home), but in some cases it needs to be done.

I think that in order to remain a power in the world, though, we need to look at home as well. Before you complain about helping others outside of the U.S. ask yourself, "what have I done to help at home?"

If the answer is "nothing" then shut up!

Politics is the pits!

~Kim

It's in full swing...

School is in the second week, and it's already starting. The morning struggle.

Now, I'm getting it from the one I least expected it, my 5 year old. I realize why, but geez Louise!

She refuses to go to sleep at night, it takes better than an hour and a half for me to get her to sleep. She just refuses to lay still, she's like her oldest brother.

I've tried everything. Stories, baths, yelling, threathening, starting earlier, wearing her out; everything! Nothing works. She's killing me. She's so grumpy when she gets home from school because she's tired, it's driving me around the bend.

Then getting to bed so late, you'd think she'd sleep in. NOPE! She's up before the alarm even goes off. Then it's a fight to get ready for school. "No. I don't want to."

So not only is bed time a nightmare, the morning's are too.


Short of Benedryl, I'm at a loss. My patience is waning and between all the activities and extras, I'm exhausted!

Children are a blessing!

~Kim

Beauty is in...

the wax holder?

Ok ladies. Let's talk turkey...No one wants to talk about it but as we age we get hairs in places we don't necessarily want it...So I thought I'd try waxing my upper lip. I mean, I'm not Wolfman Jack hairy or anything, but I noticed a shadow that needed to be taken care of...My mom said "Use a cream." I thought "Cream is for pussies. I'm gonna wax, how bad can it be."

Well let me tell you, it's not the most pleasant experience in the world. My lip is still burning and I think I took some  skin off of my actual lip (because I used the bigger strip because I'm new and did see the smaller ones). Fortunately, they give you these handy little towelettes that get the leftover wax off your face (otherwise my kids might have been thrilled because my lips were waxed shut).

So, thinking that my lip wasn't so bad, I thought I'd give my pits a shot. What the hell right? Can't be any worse than shaving...Did you know how sensitive the skin is under your arms?

Neither did I.

Until today.

I bit my lip and gave the strip a tug and RiiiiiiiIIIIIIPPPPPpppp off it came, and like 3 whole hairs...Are you KIDDING me? THREE? So I give it another shot, pulling in another direction....6 hairs...My armpit is on fire and STILL hairy...SO...I will shave for the rest of my God given life...

Beauty doesn't HAVE to hurt.

~Kim

School days school days...

School is looming on the horizon. The summer was fun, but it is time to send em packin'.

Some parents are sending their kids off to college, while some (like me) are sending their littlest to kindergarten.

I have mixed emotions. I'm excited because I will have 6 hours a day of "mommy time" and can find new hobbies, rekindle old ones, or just take a nap. On the other hand, I'm apprehensive because my youngest is going to school for the first time. I have no more babies. My kids are all growing up.

I'm watching my oldest become more responsible, my middle one...well he hasn't changed a whole lot, and my little girl keeps getting bigger and bigger.

I'll be doing the happy dance after I get over the adjustment period of having no kids at home, but until then, I'll buy some stock in kleenex and drown my sorrows on the internet.

Blubbering is good for the soul.

~Kim

Project Runway...

is a television show. Just because you see something is in fashion doesn't mean you have the body type to wear it.

We're all built differently. There's no way to get around it.

Jeggings (I don't even know if I spelled that right and quite frankly I'm not a fashionista so I don't really care) are one of the many things not everyone can wear.

Know that your butt looks good covered in something NOT form fitting. Know that your thighs do NOT look good being hugged by lycra. Please please PLEASE don't let it all hang out. I don't want to see it and neither do any other people you don't know.

I mean I'm glad you're confident enough to feel good in those items, but keep it at home for your boyfriend, girlfriend, significant other.

Same goes for banana hammocks at the beach. Really? You REALLY need to wear your underwear to the beach? Your package isn't really all that impressive, I promise you.

This has been a public service announcement.

~Kim

The train keeps rolling...

as I find that more and more people I know suffer from some form of depression or another.

I battle with it on a daily basis. Now I understand that there are clinical forms of depression; parts of the brain that don't produce the right (insert big medical term that I really don't care about here). Those are treated with medications with success.

The depression I'm talking about here is different, I think. It's the stresses of daily life eating away at our sanity. Loss of motivation, loss of interest in all sorts of things, and limited sex drive (gasp). The problem with this type of depression (I'm sure there's another term for it out there somewhere and I'll see it on the Dr. Oz show after I finish this blog and still won't come back to correct it) is medication does nothing but mask the fact that we may be less than happy with where we are in life.

Since I basically run our household, because my husband is gone, I find myself overwhelmed most of the time. Three kids, one of which is special needs, bills, money, cleaning, cooking, and a whole host of other things that if I think of my chest will tighten, make my life busy. I'm not always busy in a physical way, but the mental energy it takes to operate a household is staggering.

So my house is a mess, sometimes my kids don't have a shower every single day, and sometimes they do get ice cream for breakfast. I'm tired, I'm stressed, I'm overwhelmed and I'm depressed.

I find myself up all night stressing out about how this and that or the other thing is going to happen. The biggest problem I have is I don't have anyone that I can really talk to about it. The one person you would think I would be able to talk about our household to only seems to make things worse with guilt, finger pointing, or flat out "it's your fault you're in this situation."

The other person I confide in sometimes lectures me on how I'm a bad wife, housekeeper, money manager, sub-par parent, and the like.

Yeah that's helpful. Sometimes I just need someone to listen. I don't need advice, I don't need lectures, I don't need guilt. I just need to unload once in a while so it's not so overwhelming to do the dishes after dinner.



I don't think it's too much to ask.

~Kim

There's no such thing as...

Bad kids, only bad parents. No really, I stand behind that statement.

Kids feed off of their parents. If they get positive direction and attention, you will see it in their behavior. Parents are the first example that children have in their lives. Parents get the opportunity to help form their kids' behaviors before they are influenced by outside sources.

Eventually, they're influenced by their friends, but if the parents give them a solid foundation and treat them as their children, not their buddy, they will choose friends with similar values that their parents have imparted on them.

Don't get me wrong, kids will make poor choices regardless of their upbringing. After all, they're kids. They don't ALWAYS know what a good choice is, but when they make a poor choice, the biggest factor in how they move on from that choice is how their parents handle the situation.

I.e. if a child does something wrong (and they will) if the parent lets it slide it becomes the norm, causing it, down the road, to be a problem to change the behavior.

I.e. if your child sees you dressing like you should live on a street corner (either because you're homeless or you're turning tricks) then they think it's ok and will try to emulate that. ("Do as I say not as I do" doesn't work)

Before you start chanting about me being "holier than thou," let me tell you, I am NOT the perfect parent. I make mistakes, my kids talk back, and they don't always do what I thought they should have. The way I deal with it has an effect on the outcome. Sometimes I'm right, and sometimes, not so much.

When it comes to kids: Parents, you reap what you sow.

~Kim

In the spirit of...

being as opinionated as I am...I've been doing some thinking. Everyone complains about the "foreigners" coming into "our" country and taking "our" jobs, or coming over here to build a better life for their families in their home country. (We were all foreigners once upon a time)

While I don't agree with a lot of the benefits these folks receive, I say...Are you angry because you can't do that for your family? Will you work the jobs some of these people are willing to work?

American is a melting pot. The land of opportunity. While I think we should keep most of our financial aid to combat hunger, disease, and homelessness here in the US, I don't think we should begrudge people coming from other countries trying to build themselves and their families a better life.

Regardless of country of origin, we are ALL human. We all bleed red, we all want freedoms (from the right to bear arms to the right to practice any religion we so choose), and we all need compassion.

Racial slurs drive me nuts! If we keep using them, people will keep falling into those stereotypes.
"Well, they think I'm just a "insert racial slur here" so why should I try to be anything else?"

It's like calling someone stupid or ugly...After a while, it sticks...

So...In my opinion, unless you want to do the jobs for the pay the immigrants are doing it for, then shut the hell up. If someone can come in and open a store or a gas station and you have a problem with that, then you go do the same thing, give them some competition...If you can't, don't begrudge them a better life.

That being said, I believe if you're going to be in this country then you should speak the majorily spoken language, which is English (just a friendly reminder we don't have an "official language").

Skin color, nationality, sexual orientation...None of it matters, see people for what they are....PEOPLE!

~Kim

What doesn't kill you...

makes you crabby as hell!

So, I pretty much haven't slept in 2 days on top of the lack of sleep that's been ongoing for some time now.

Had to drive over an hour each way to pick someone up after midnight the night before last and last night my 13 year old disappeared. He walked out the front door and I assumed he was going to my neighbor's house because he didn't say otherwise. At 10 o'clock, my middle son asked where the oldest is. I said next door. He went next door and he wasn't there...I double checked and when I went outside his shoes were on the front porch and his bike was in the garage.

I began to panic.

I decided to text the parent of one of his friends nearby to see if he was there before I called the police. He calls me from his friend's cell and asks me if he can spend the night.......He asked me if he could spend the night after he left the house, at 9:00 at night, without telling me where he was going...Then was upset when I proceed to chew him out on the phone and told him to get his butt home immediately.

He came home, I sent him to bed. He had the audacity to yell back at me.

Now I have never beaten my kids, but I was so upset I told him if he yelled at me again I was going to get his father's belt (now, that being said, I don't even think I have a belt in the house so don't get all "child abuse" on me!). He stopped yelling. He finally figured out I wasn't kidding.

Now he is my slave for a week, his daily "chore" list is a full page long. Eventually I will win this war.

So laying in bed stewing on that, the two new kittens were going nuts playing in my room...I was up and down all night.

It's a good thing I don't own a gun, because the first person to piss me off might have gotten shot!

~Kim

All day sucker...

Yeah, that's me! My kids know it too...Today they got a kitten...Her name is Juliet. She's very cute. Tomorrow, her brother is coming...See...Sucker...

I'm trying to rein in my 5 year old. She's attitude, spunk, independence, and fifteen year old all in one little cute package. I have to remind myself she's five quite often because she's so cotton pickin' smart, sometimes I expect more of her than a typical 5 year old can deliver. Like sitting still for more than 20 seconds at a time, not disappearing immediately after she's told "Don't get away from me.",  "Don't draw on yourself" or a plethora of other momisms I say on a daily basis.

I'm trying to hold strong with her while she's little so I'm not paying for it when she gets older, like I am with my boys. She's going to send me to my grave, early. So very early!

So yeah, I'm a sucker. Stop laughing, I know most of you reading this are too!

~Kim

Why hast thou forsaken me...

Ya know when you lay in bed and all kind of crazy thoughts keep running through your head and all you want to do is go to sleep?

Well, that's been going on for well over a week now (meaning I'm averaging about 3-4 hours of broken sleep a night). Little league is over for the season, I'm waiting for soccer to start for two of the three. We're supposed to be going on vacation in about a week. Bills to pay. Life issues. Money issues. Child issues. The brain just won't quit.

I try very hard to make sure the kids are having a good time on their summer vacation, but they're kids. It's never enough. The sleep overs, the parties, mini golf, the beach, staying up until whenever they want, constantly trying to do something. Yeah I'm that kind of parent. It is what it is, and it's never enough.

The "we're bored" coupled with the lack of sleep and constant nagging of responsibility makes me very cranky. I probably yell more than I should, but, again, it is what it is.

The house is a wreck, I try to get the kids to help, but honestly, it's easier to just do it myself. This incurs the wrath of Mom; my mom. I realize I will never be the parent she was, but I'm not her, I do things differently.

I wait until the last minute for everything, I have all of my life and I can't change that. Well, I won't change it is probably a better statement.

I just want to sleep. That's all. Seems like a rather simple request doesn't it? I don't need lectures and screaming and arguing and fighting.

Give me a break!

~Kim

Right here waiting....

Sitting in the hallway, waiting for my daughter to fall asleep, all sorts of things come to mind.

The way adults ruin fun things for kids.

The way adults act like they're kids.

The way that people accuse other people of doing the exact thing they are doing themselves.

The way after high school seems to emulate high school, but only by those who are unfulfilled or were in the "in crowd."

How easy it is to point a finger, but how hard it is to evaluate yourself.

How some people appear strong because they speak loudly or rudely speak over people.

How as adults, sometimes we forget how to have the kind of fun our kids love to have.

And how sometimes we put a damper on that fun, just because we've forgotten.

Remember how to dance in the rain, catch snowflakes on your tongue, laugh so hard your belly hurts, and treat the people around you how you want to be treated.

Most of us get treated the way we treat other people.

Some wonder why they are so lucky, others wonder why everyone in this world is rude, hateful, or mean.

~Kim

To all of you...

Assholes that feel the need to look at my husband like he's a horrible father/husband because he works over a thousand miles from home, I say this:

I hope your minimum wage job provides you the ability to buy your kids everything they need, buy your wife a new car, allow you to take time off of work for vacation with your family (somewhere other than your living room).
If you're not working at all, none of that applies to you.

What does apply to you is the fact that you won't take a job that makes excellent money because you refuse to sacrifice for the betterment of your family.

Don't look down your nose at a man willing to make a sacrifice for his family. Do you look at a soldier the same way? He makes a choice to be away from his family. (No I'm not saying my husband's job is as noble as that of a soldier so stop writing that comment/email) He wants better things for his family and chooses to do that job to ensure his family lives in a country with endless possibilities. (Another post for another day about how our soldiers are getting screwed)

Everyone (ok not everyone per say) makes sacrifices in their lives. Some choose to sacrifice for selfish reasons, others choose to sacrifice for selfless reasons.

I suppose what really pisses me off the most are the people wearing all the name brand clothes, expensive shoes, and driving the nice cars that live off the government. Or it could be the people who are getting evicted from their homes, but are spending their money (ill gotten and legit) on things other than food and shelter and complaining that they don't have enough.

Yeah, I complain about my husband, but he provides for his family in the best way he can.

Reality check, if you do stupid things, stupid things will happen!

~Kim

Partici-pay-ay-tion...

Being the matriarch of the family entails more than just being a mom and wife. As anyone that is a mom knows, you basically do everything (cook, taxi, tutor, chief bottle washer, you've heard it all before). My situation is a little different from most married women. My husband works out of town (not like 3 hours away, more like 30 hours) and is home for a week every 2 weeks.

The kids are happy to see him, but I know every time he comes he's going to screw up everything. I do things a certain way and he never gets that. He also never gets why I get mad when he does something differently.

He breaks the kids and I fix them, just in time for him to come home and break 'em again. I'm glad for the money he brings in, don't get me wrong. But SHIT help me out here! Sometimes he's like the fun uncle that winds all the kids up for 3 days and then leaves.

Yeah, I'm bitter or maybe it's jealousy.

~Kim

You know it's summer when..

There's about a bazillion flies in my house. The kids run in and out all day long. No matter how many times I say "Shut the door!" they still hold it open like they're a door man at a busy high rise apartment building.

I'm not sure how many times I've said "IN OR OUT!" Or "Quit air conditioning the outside!"

I realized I am starting to sound like my mom. Yeah, there's something that's like a kick in the ass.

Anyhow, now I've got flies the size of Volkswagons flying around the house. The only thing more annoying that these behemoths is my 5 year old running around the house swatting everything but the flies with the fly swatter.

Ahhh, summer. Good times. Good times.

~Kim

Here I go again...

Yeah, lack of sleep is messing with my sense of humor because I am now singing the Whitesnake song, "Here I Go Again" and my kids are looking at me like I've lost my mind.

Maybe I have.

Although, the inability to snooze allowed me to read my new Stephen King book within 24 hours. I really enjoyed reading, I forgot how much I missed it. As I plugged through my Brit Lit class, reading was a job. I like a very specific genre of book apparently, and classic literature isn't always it. So reading for pleasure was a nice treat.

Today, I feel kind of grumpy. Lack of sleep will do that for ya. I'm hoping I can stave off the meanies for the kids' sakes.

I've got tons of stuff to do around the house, I need to have the motivation to do it. So far, it's not happening. I'd rather sit in my chair and snooze.

They were right, having kids changes your life!

~Kim

I'm Verlumpt...

Yeah...I'm TIRED! It seems this summer of running craziness has kicked my ass.

I've had extra kids almost every night, if there wasn't a ball game the next day. I've been going and going and going. Now that baseball season is finished, I feel the let down...My body says "What the hell have you been doing?" But I also am hitting a block of insomnia...I guess it's not really insomnia because once I get to sleep, I could sleep the entire next day.

The point is, I'm more tired now that I know I don't have to run around any more. WTF?!

I'm trying to find something to occupy my time until school and soccer starts and the running starts again.

I should trade in my flip flops for track shoes, but I'd rather snuggle up with a blankie and take a nap.

I'll get all the sleep I need when I'm dead!

~Kim

Just like riding a bike...

My ass! I'd love to meet the jack wagon that coined that phrase. I just rode a bike 12 blocks. Just 12 tiny blocks.

I haven't ridden a bike in about 20 years. I mean, I remember how, I had no problem riding the bicycle. My thighs are now screaming at me "WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!"

And the seats? What the hell did they do to the seats? My butt is not thanking me at all...not a single bit. I miss the banana seats of the 70s...No wonder men are going sterile, their balls are pissed at them for subjecting them to being lifted and separated in a most painful manner!

Obviously, I need to exercise more, but really, I don't care how small my butt gets, it will NEVER comfortably fit on one of those glorified broom sticks.

My butt is crying and my thighs are screaming....Hey, maybe that'll drown out the kids fighting for a while!

There might be something to this exercise thing!

~Kim

Dear Big Corporation...

Fuck you! Learn to run your business right so you stop fucking the people who are busting their asses so you can make billions.

Signed,

Pissed off wife of employee you keeping screwing.

Perfect parent...

Nothing like parents putting on heirs to make one feel awesome.

I'm not the perfect parent. I'm pretty sure the Carol Brady's of the world are out numbered by the Roseanne's, but it never ceases to amaze me when I see perfectly coiffed mothers with their kids perfectly dressed. Do they have some super power I wasn't privvy to in the parenting handbook?

Are my kids so crazily behaved that I should have them committed?
Do they have nannies?
Is their mom Godzilla behind closed doors so they're afraid to step out of line?
What is her secret?
 I have no secrets. I don't look well kempt, hell I'm just happy to have flip flops that are still attached at the toe. My kids are asking for everything in the store (which I am usually responding to with a steadily growing No). Sometimes they wander off and I have to frantically look for them and give them the speech about stranger danger and how if they get out of sight someone could take them and they'd never see me again (sometimes I wonder if they don't consider that alternative better lol).

I really do wonder what they're like at home. These perfect moms. Do they live in perfect houses?

What really bugs me is when they give me "the look" when my kid lets out a yelp because I yoinked something out of their hands they shouldn't have had. Really? You're kids have NEVER done anything wrong?

Judge not lest ye be judged. Oh wait, too late ya already did that!

You're right, it's my fault...

That you didn't have enough sleep and I'm the one that is helping you fix something.

When I sound calm and am trying to fix something, you're right, I'm talking to you like you're stupid. NOT! What I'm doing is preventing myself from saying something like "Quit bitching at me! I'm trying to help you fix your damn internet."

I understand you're tired and stressed out, and I'm doing my best to be understanding and helpful, but damn! Cut me some slack, no really, just a little!

It's not me, it's you.

~Kim

I just want some PEE-ace...

Why is it the moment the bathroom door closes everyone in the house feels the need to ask me something....Everyone, all three kids AND my husband.

"What are you doing, Mom?" I'm shopping, what do you think I'm doing in the BATHROOM?
"What time are you leaving?" Not right this minute I'm TRYING to pee!
"Can you make me a sandwich?" REALLY?
"Are you in there?" Nope, I'm a figment of your imagination!

Seriously, you HAVE to bug me while I pee? Give me a break.

To pee or not to pee, depends on the interruption!

~Kim

It's only little league...

This is my mantra for the next 4 days. I have to keep reminding myself that these are just kids.

I have competition issues. I'm a very competitive person, the person who has to  have the last word. I like to win, to be on top. My kids have a bit of that too.

We played kickball one day this summer with my kids, their friends, and a friend of mine. We had so much fun. My middle son says to me after hitting me with the ball  and getting me out, "Naw, Mom. It doesn't count, you're elderly!" My response was abrupt turn around and chase him across the field. After this episode he and I spent 20 minutes recounting the game up until that point because our scores differed. He wouldn't even let me pull the "I'm Mom and that's what I say it is" card!

They used to be just happy to play, but they're now starting to want to play and want to win. I try to keep it positive, but there are some times when I want to go "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING?!"

I think the coaches need to remember that too. All-Stars is a whole different can of worms...but I still try to keep it light...After all, they are only kids (but when the ball drops in front of you you SHOULD HAVE CAUGHT IT!).

One attracts more fly balls with an open glove and fast feet!

~Kim

I'm with stupid...

I can't stand when people treat me like I'm a moron. I'm an intelligent human being, but yet people that I've known for years and years treat me like I have no idea what's going on.

What's worse is that I've had conversations with people who think I'm stupid and have TOLD them I know what's going on, yet I've still been treated in the same fashion.

Short of smacking the hell out of them, I have no idea how to deal with it.

Dude, I'm on to you like Shaggy on a Scooby Snack!

Stupid is as stupid does?

~Kim

A little out of my league...

As you know, I'm a little league mom. My middle one is playing all-stars this year (proud mom). Gearing up for our first game on Saturday morning.

Light practice tonight and they get their uniforms...Orange and Black...

Really? Black? It's only been in the triple digits for more than a week now!
Clorox made bleach for white pants!

I wonder if I can stick an ice pack into each cheek of a pair of sliding shorts so it's possible there's no heat stroke while he's out there...I shouldn't complain, this is the first year we haven't had to pay for all-star uniforms (or there hasn't had to be creative accounting to make sure the kids had uniforms). But if you've been reading me so far, you know I'm going to complain anyway.

And really, the kids don't care about the heat, they just want to look cool. I mean looking cool in the ER is paramount!

Men in Black looking for a heat stroke attack!

~Kim

To dye for...

So I got sick of the gray. I refuse to grow old gracefully, I'm going to fight it every step of the way.

I colored my hair with some dye that I had gotten with a fabulous set of coupons (yeah coupons are GOOD!). I was looking to go a dark red since my hair is already a dark brown to start with and I have a thing for red hair.

After two weeks of delays (baseball, cleaning, visitors, kids etc.) I finally got around to doing it. The color was called Deep Burgundy. I was thinking a deep, rich dark red. Well...it's not....It's purple.

As my mother so elegantly put it, "EGGPLANT!"

She's so subtle...

So yeah, purple hair, I think in the future I'll actually go to a stylist to get my hair colored. It's not bad, it actually looks pretty good, but it just wasn't what I was expecting!

Life is like a box of hair color, you never know what you're gonna get!

~Kim

Call me baby...

And you might get a fat lip. There are so many pet names people have for each other out there. I'm 38 years old, I'm not a baby. Maybe I'm a darlin' or a honey, but I'm definitely not a baby.

That, and things like pooky or honeybear or sweetycakes, drives me nuts! If you're a teen that's fine, but adults, c'mon guys! I know everyone needs to have something to let them know the person they're with loves them and is still attracted to them, but give em a tweak on the nipple or a slap on the ass or something. Baby talk does nothing but make me gag. You could end up with puke on your shoes!

Just like names evolve (for example, when I was little I was Kimmy, now you take a risk of getting a good swift kick if you call me that!) so should terms of endearment!

As you grow up, so should your vocabulary!

~Kim

Go to sleep...

Bedtime in the summer is always a challenge. The kids feel like they should get to stay up as late as they want because they don't have to go to school. I'm of the opinion that I don't want to choke them the following day so they need to go to bed at a decent hour.

I thought I'd be excited when my oldest hit his teen years and started sleeping in. I now know why my mom woke me up muttering something about sleeping all day.

The other two have NO idea what it means to sleep in. My youngest is like a rooster. The sun is up and she's up cackling about something. The middle one thinks sleeping in means 8am (no matter what time he went to bed the night before).

Suffice it to say, I'm sleep deprived. Partially my own fault. I'm a night person. I could stay up until 2 or 3 in the morning (and many nights I do) so I'd like to sleep until 9 a few mornings. That doesn't happen very often. I've also decided, although I don't like to get up early, that if I had the opportunity to get up in the morning and have some peace and quiet I would take advantage of it. I think that's why I stay up so late, because it's the only time I don't have kids in my ear every 30 seconds.

I'm tired because I value my sanity!

~Kim

Happy Birthday America!

So yeah, it's the Fourth of July, the day of the birth of my country. The fireworks are blasting all around the neighborhood at 11:30 pm. I'm all for loving your country, and I do understand that blowing off fireworks is a symbol of "the rocket's red glare" and "bombs bursting in air."

But really? I think it's just an excuse for a bunch of drunk pyromaniacs to blow shit up.

The time it becomes irritating for me is when I'm trying to put my kids to sleep (after we've blown our own shit up and sparkled until we just about puke) and the jack wagon(s) down the street are setting off half sticks of dynamite that are literally rattling my windows.

Thank you to all of our troops and veterans who are risking their lives so we have the freedom to blow stuff up until someone gets hurt!

~Kim

Emergency trip to Chicago...

Yesterday my husband was flying in from work for his days off. They didn't get him home on time so he missed his flight. They rescheduled it but couldn't get home until today (he gets 7 days at home every 15 days 2 of those are travel days). So he called me to see if the kids and I would come get him in Chicago. I thought "Sure! I love a road trip!"

Boy, you'd think after 13 years of parenting I'd be smarter than that. But I'm not.

After having to ride the kids butts for 45 minutes to clean all of THEIR crap out of the van, then come in and have to try to pick up the house so it wasn't completely trashed when the old man got home, THEN try to get them all dressed in something acceptable for public appearance, I was already at the end of my rope before we got into the van.

Then it started. "Stop kicking my seat." "Stop writing mean things about me." "HEY! GIVE ME THAT BACK!" "MOM!" "MOM!" "MOM!"

I threatened to pull over on the side of the toll road and kick them all out on at least 10 different occasions.

We get to O'Hare and I've never been there, so navigating that was a challenge. Especially with 3 kids going "Wow! This place is huge! What's that over there?" "Where are we?" "Can we park yet?"

Then I park, get out of the car with cell in hand so he could call when he landed. I begin to think "He should have landed by now, why hasn't he called?"

That would be because my cell battery was dead even though I had it charging ALL THE WAY THERE!

So we're wandering around O'Hare looking for him. Find him (luckily after about 5 minutes of actual looking) and get back to the car (which he so snidely says "I'm impressed" I say "Why? Because I got front row parking at O'Hare?" "No. Because you knew where the car was.")

The ride home was equally as annoying, but I'm proud to report everyone is still breathing.

~Kim

Guilty Pleasures...

My list of guilty pleasures. Some are practical, but some are downright sinful indulgence...

Keeping Up with the Kardashians - Who doesn't love someone else's family drama. It's also nice to seefamous families (or infamous whatever) having tons of money, but still bitching about stuff "normal" people
bitch about!

Couponing - As a mother of 3, it's nice to save money. And seeing how much I can save in a shopping trip is a fun challenge!

Facebook - Seeing what all of my friends are up to and sharing silliness is theraputic!

Little League - All 3 of my kids play baseball. For the first part of the summer it's all I do! It's fun to cheer them on and share their triumphs with the world!

Writing - I love to write. I write all kinds of different types of fiction: short stories, sci-fi, erotic fantasy, all kinds!

So yeah, there's a few of my guilty pleasures...What are yours?

~Kim

Far from Perfect...

I am by no means the perfect mother or wife. Just ask my kids, they'll tell you! The things they say is a testament to the fact that as well.

That being said, I don't advertise my imperfections (unless they're hilarious). I try to not to let them seep through the cracks. There are people out there who advertise every imperfection, wear them like badges and then wonder why everyone is talking about their stuff.

***New Flash*** You're NOT famous. All you're doing is making yourself look like an ass. Yeah people are talking about you, but wouldn't you rather it be because you did something good?

Turn your energy around and use it for good not evil.

~Kim

What drives me nuts..

Is when people create a problem and then look around obliviously and say things like "I can't believe there's so much drama about [insert pointless event here]." They wonder why people don't want to associate with them or are talking about them with their other friends (who are not full of drama but still like to hear about it).

Open your eyes, look at yourself. YOU ARE THE DRAMA!

~Kim

There are days...

I wish I was 16 years old again. Not a care in the world, except who I was dating, what I was wearing, if I had gas money, how my hair looked, if I was fat, if I was going to get caught sneaking in past curfew, if my best friend was going to be able to go to the mall, who was TPing my house, if the cashier at Finest was wondering what the hell a teenager was doing buying a case of toilet paper and a candy bar...So apparently at 16 I had a lot of cares.

Now I worry about making sure everyone has clean clothes to wear, if I have enough gas to get the kids all the places they need to be, how gray my hair is getting, if I'm fat, if I can stay awake past 10:30, if my friends need me how can I be there for them, hoping I have enough toilet paper in the house, who the hell ate my candy bar, and if the cashier thinks I shop like a college student.

Essentially, we have the same worries as a kid as we do as an adult, the priorities just shift from being the center of our own world to hoping gravity keeps us in the loop of the others in our lives!

~Kim

Hypocrits?

Am I the only hypocrite on the internet. Obviously, I'm not, but the question will stop and make you think won't it?

I genuinely worry about people. I really do. I think about all of the foulness in this world and the wrongs that happen to people, good people. Not celebrities that appear in every tabloid and scream about privacy.

If you really cared about privacy you wouldn't walk around in mini-skirts with no panties and give crotch shots getting in and out of your limo. And yes, I understand you don't want to be bothered while you're grocery shopping, but I have no sympathy. I take 3 kids grocery shopping with me, I'd rather be followed by a swarm of paparazzi!

I worry about real people with real problems. Cancer, alcoholism, heart attacks. (This next sentence is not going to set well with a few people so I'm putting in a disclaimer: I understand pets are a part of your family and that you love them.) BUT I will NOT pray for your pet earthworm who is on his death bed because your cat thought it was a toy.

And since I'm calling myself out here, I'll be honest. I don't pray. So when you ask me to pray for your ill family member (and yeah I've done the same thing - see -  hypocrite coming through!), I'm not praying, I'm thinking "Oh man! I hope they get better!"

I have no special powers, no direct line to God, and definitely no pull in how the universe works, but I do sincerely hope your family member gets well.

According to the English language, the word Hypocrite is Hypocritical in its self. Everyone knows the silent "e" makes the preceding vowel LONG!

~Kim

Facebook...

I post as much goofy stuff on Facebook as everyone else. I like to read about my friends' lives, but what's with all the "inspirational" crap. They drive me nuts. Like a picture of a kitten with some goofy saying is going to inspire me to do anything. Yeah, I might smile for a minute, but in the scheme of things is it going to make me get off my ass and do something great?

Probably not.

Odds are I'll hit share on about a quarter of them, just to see who else I can piss off.

~Kim

Who the hell are you?

Yeah, I know that's what you're wondering.

The other thing you're wondering is "what the hell does 'mordant' mean?"

Either look it up, or keep reading, you'll figure it out.

I run a household of 5. My husband works out of town so I get him home for a week every 2 weeks. Other than that, there's not much he can do except make sure this joy ride we call life is full of it....Joy that is...Amongst other things.

I'm generally stressed out, busy as hell, and trying new things all the time. I force my kids to experience life, whether they want to or not.

I've tried it all in the business world....Well as much as a person with no college degree can try, that is. Ironically, all of my experience is worth a hill of beans because I don't have a degree. I've never been able to claw my way high enough up the ladder to amount to anything more than a workhorse for upper management. Don't get me wrong, it's not all bad...Well, most of it sucked, but there were some good times.

My kids share my twisted sense of humor, out-going personality, and art for bull-shitting. Not to mention penchant for constant interruptions. It makes for an interesting life for sure.

There's a bit about who the hell I am (and I'm assuming you've either figured out what 'mordant' means, or you've looked it up). You never know what you'll find here. Could be money savers, what not to do, what to do, or what I feel like putting out there.

When Life gives you lemons, squeeze them really hard and hope the person pissing you of catches some juice to the eye!

~Kim