Yeah I know...

I blew my New Years resolution out of the water. In my defense, I do this for free, I do it for pleasure, and I do it in my free time. There wasn't a lot of free time over the last couple of weeks where I had something to write about.

"Really?" you might say. Yep. Unless you wanted to hear me whine about barf, fevers, and the flu, I promise, you didn't miss much!

I have been so damn tired from all the sick kids in my house, it takes me 5 minutes just to figure out where the hell I am most of the time.

I figured you got enough coverage of the "Manti Te'o Scandal" to hold you over until I had something brilliant to say.

My brilliance for today. Does anyone really give a flying fuck about whether or not Beyoncé lip-synced (synced? sank? sunk? whatever) the National Anthem? Does it matter? Will millions of puppies and kittens die if she didn't sing the song live? Uh. NO!

Do I have a problem with sex-offenders being able to go incognito on social media websites? ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY!

That's like putting a skilled deer hunter in the middle of a deer refuge with a loaded gun.

Neither scenario is going to end well.

Common sense government? We don't have that here. Now I'm well aware there are different types of sex offenders. There's the 19 year old kid that stuck his wanker into a 16 year old girl and her daddy got pissed and called the cops. I also know that they rate each sex offender differently. Regardless, There's NO WAY IN HELL sex offenders should be allowed to have accounts on social media. Not even if they were required (HAHA) to have a "sex offender" tag on their accounts.

I cannot POSSIBLY understand how the hell that is unconstitutional; not letting sex offenders have social media accounts. Quite frankly, I don't think they should be allowed to use the internet, but the regulation of that is near impossible, since the government has a hard enough time getting them to keep up with their current address registry.

You can microchip a dog or a cat, but you can't microchip a criminal? Seriously? Oh right, because they earned a FREE college degree (that any other upstanding citizen has to pay through the nose for) they're changed people.

BULL SHIT!

Well, I guess I did have something to say (maybe it's not brilliant, but it is what it is).

~Kim

Dear Gun Carrying Friends...

I appreciate that you value the right to bear arms...I really do..

But holy shit, does it have to be "no more gun laws" all the time? I'm all for keeping guns if you feel safe. I really am.

I grew up around guns. My dad was a cop and a hunter. I got my first BB gun at 8, and got gun safety education, learned how to use them, and learned to stay away from them unless I had adult supervision.

I saw first hand what a gun could do. It scared the hell out of me, but I respected it.

I also understand, gun laws don't take illegal guns off the street.

That being said...I don't think if you have a mental illness, you should be allowed to own a gun. I also don't believe if you have someone living with you that has a mental illness, you should be allowed to own a gun. (Yeah I hear you screaming about keeping guns locked up but seriously?)

It is definitely people killing people. Guns only kill something if someone pulls the trigger (or in some cases some idiot leaves the safety off in their purse and some random object trips the trigger).

Shot happens. Load responsibly.

~Kim

Children are gifts...

or are they a cosmic practical joke?

I love my kids. I can prove I love my kids because they are still walking around this planet.

There are days where I shake my head in wonderment as I try to decipher where they came from.

They day they are born, you learn a love like you could never imagine before that moment in time. They then start walking and talking and you wonder why nobody warned you what was coming.

You have to remind yourself kids are kids. They're going to do weird things, they're going to eat weird things, they're going to say weird things, and then they're going to do things like you do. That's when you scratch your head going "do I REALLY do shit like that?" Then you realize, you do.

Suddenly,you realize all those times your mother said "I hope you have a child just like you" has come true and in some cases, many times over.

What you don't realize is that your spouse had the same conversation with his/her mother. So not only do you get children exactly like you, you get them exactly like him/her too.

Double whammy. When you come to this realization is when you find your addiction in life. For some it's booze, for some it's books, or painting, or running away from home, or the computer...the list goes on and on.

Don't shake your head like you don't have one. You do, you just haven't realized it yet.

It's ok. It's how you get through the multiple stages of their lives and come out on the other side still alive.

Keep finding ingenious ways to keep your sanity!

~Kim

Ignorance is..

not bliss...

I can't STAND morons who get on their soap box and bitch and complain about something and do absolutely nothing to change it.

They usually try to sound intelligent by using big words (usually incorrectly) and talk in circles, trying to cast the light somewhere else other than right on their ignorance.

How is it possible to complain about something, but not act to change it (Unlike me complaining about people's ignorance and being unable to change it other than having fun making them look more ignorant in public)?

You CANNOT say "You're doing it wrong," with out showing someone how to do it correctly (unless of course you don't know how to do it correctly and think that bitching about it will disguise this fact).

Put up or shut up is my theory on the subject. Don't think the louder you talk in circles the more people will back you. It's usually quite the opposite. They'll start talking louder about you behind your back.

If you don't like something and can't change it, please shut the fuck up and move on. I mean seriously, what do you hope to accomplish?

Don't try and impress me with your knowledge of what's wrong, impress me with your knowledge of how to do something better!

Oh, and make sure you know who you're talking to when you put something out there in public. You're likely to piss a lot of people off by thoughtless comments and rude insinuations.

Again, put up or shut up!

~Kim

I think I can...

I think I can...Damn, I hope I can!

I'm starting to see a little more traffic to my blog (thank you!). I'm getting really excited. I love to write and have been told  I have a unique outlook on life.

I really hope this translates here. I hope one visit turns into "Let's see what the crazy bat has to say today" or "I am SO glad I'm not the only one who thinks that way!"

Hopefully, you'll find something that resonates with you, or makes you think of a friend. If not, then just read for the craziness.

I am, however, getting nervous (yeah the loud mouth does that sometimes). I hope I can live up to my own expectations (and yours because if I don't live up to yours I'm writing just for me and that's boring).

If you don't want to follow the blog directly, I link all of my posts on Mordant Matriarch on Facebook as well as Google+.


Welcome to the Matriarch's world.

~Kim

Sleep deprivation...

sleep deprivaaaaaa-aa-aa-aation...is making me craaaaaaanky.

Yes yes it is.

I am a lot of things. A morning person is NOT one of them. I'm stuck in perpetual night owl mode.

You know the 10 year old that wants to stay up all night, only to find out in the morning that it wasn't a good plan? That would be me.

My kids have made being a morning person a necessity. UGH! It's not fair!

I've tried to take a nap after I get everyone off to school, but that just doesn't work. It's like trying to make a 5 year old go to bed at 8 o'clock during daylight savings time. It ain't gonna happen!

So I live in a state of perpetual exhaustion. I am SO tired all the time.

I know I'm not the only one going through this, but it doesn't matter because, quite frankly, I'm the only one I care about going through this.

And it's not even fun staying up late anymore. I'm not going to bars and partying until the wee hours. Nope, I'm sitting on the couch or in front of the computer watching TV or playing around on Facebook (the only fun thing I do is mess around with my blog and it is SO fun).

I mean if I was out showing my boobs for beads, I might be ok with being a night person. No one wants to see my boobs anymore...they might throw me a towel and say "cover that up!"

Gravity is not my friend and neither is the Sandman.

Curse you cruel world!

~Kim

Hook me up...

with the coupon sites!

Following is a list of coupon sites. Most of the time you can print out 2 coupons per device (ie I have 4 computers there for if I choose I can print out 8 of each coupon). Also included in the list below, I have included some of my favorite blogs and websites that show deals, scenarios, and coupons almost as soon as they pop up.



Coupon Sites:

Coupons.com - great every day coupons

SmartSource Coupons - more great everyday coupons

RedPlum Coupons - more great everyday coupons

CouponNetwork (aka Catalina) - coupons and deals




Money Saving Blogs/Websites:

Freebies 4 Mom - Great site to find free samples and daily sweepstakes (sweeps)

Coupon Divas - Find store/sale/coupon match ups

Money Saving Madness - Great site for deals, coupon alerts, and other money saving tips

Common Sense With Money - Another great site for deals, coupon alerts, and other money saving tips

Happy Saving!

~ Kim

Better to be a smart ass...

than a dumb ass....Right?

This coming from me is only slightly ironic. Considering I'm a HUGE smart ass.

I'm an adult. I know when it's acceptable to be a smart ass and when I need to curb my enthusiasm, so to speak (usually that's when I shoot a text to a friend saying what I'm thinking).

Kids these days are learning the art much too young. My own kids are guilty (go figure huh?). The difference is, I try (yes try because I'm not always successful) to teach them when sarcasm is appropriate. Sometimes that means a monotone voice saying "What you just said is inappropriate and I will deal with it when you get home. So you better just stop talking before you get into more trouble" through clenched teeth and a smile so the surrounding parties don't realize that my kid is lucky they didn't get a slap upside the head.

The problem I have is that I cannot control other people's children. Now before you start getting all "I NEVER let my kids talk like that" on me, think for a minute. I may NOT be referring to you, but odds are if you're thinking that, your kids do that and you just don't want to admit it.

I remember before I had kids I always looked at parents in different situations and thought "Oh I'll NEVER let my kids do that" or "My kids won't act like THAT in public."

Then I had kids.

First lesson learned, kids are going to do what they're going to do. You have limited control over how your kids behave. They're kids. It's how they learn.

I've been the parent that people looked at and thought "I can't believe she just snatched that child by their arm like that!" What they don't realize is that 15 aisles ago, he knocked every single fucking can off of a shelf and I had to spend 10 minutes picking it up and the things he's touching this time are glass.

My daughter has a screaming problem. She screams about EVERYTHING. Good, bad, traumatic, E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G!

There's nothing I can do to stop her. I've tried every thing. Shock tactics, sending her to her room, grounding, slap upside the head, it's just not happening. I've started to remind her every time she opens her mouth that we are in the same room and there is NO need to yell. It stops her 1 out of 10 times. Maybe.

Buying earplugs. New, not used please.

~Kim

So ya wanna clip coupons...

well here we go!

There are LOTS of ways to come across coupons. Before you delve in, think about some things first.

How much time are you planning on putting in every day. (Yup, I said every day because new coupons become available daily and most have print limits so you don't want to miss out) You can put in anywhere from 15 minutes to 3 hours a day. You're going to get out of it what you put into it.

If you want to be an Extreme Couponer, just walk away, this isn't for you. I will NOT teach you how to hoard (hilariously I typed horde, anyone who plays World of Warcraft will get that) thousands of items that your family will never use, but you bought just because they were free.

Ok, that little disclaimer out of the way...Let's get down to brass tacks.

So you have your organization system planned out, but it sits there empty. How do I fill it up, you ask?

Well, let me tell you! (I'm really good at bossing people around so you should listen to me!)

First, you want to get all the coupon policies for the stores you plan on shopping at. (I'll make a separate post with a bunch of store links to their coupon policies so you can find them easily) Print them out and keep them with your coupons, so if you run into issues at the register you have them handy to resolve any problems.

Now, it's time to start looking for coupons. There are sites and sites that have coupons. Manufacturer sites usually have coupons, free samples you receive by mail usually have BIG coupons, the Sunday paper and there are at least 3 coupon sites where you can get coupons. (Those links will be in the post as well)

There are a bazillion sites out there that will tell you how to get coupons, what sales they match up with, and when you should use them. There are stores that double coupons, there are stores that let you stack coupons, and there are rewards from stores you can use to get free stuff.

For example, Target does not double coupons, BUT they have store coupons that you can use in conjunction with manufacturer coupons AND they often offer gift cards with certain items purchased. So technically, you could use a manufacturer coupon and a Target coupon on a sale item with a gift card and get the item with an overage (as in you actually come out ahead on the transaction).

More to follow! Don't get overwhelmed, it's worth it in the end!

~Kim

Save some cash...

in a way that fits you.

First thing you need to do is decide what kind of time you want to put into saving money. Take it from me, you'll start out all gung-ho, armed with fists full of coupons and a closet full of free samples. Eventually, you'll even out and find out what kind of saver you are.

First and foremost, once you decide you want to be a saver, make an alternate email account. You do not want to sort through Aunt Beckie's recipe for oatmeal cookies PLUS all of the email you'll be getting with money saving deals in them, it's just not practical.

Second, you'll need to find a way to organize your coupons. There are several different ways to do this. You'll need to find the one that works for you. Putting them in a pile doesn't work, I've tried that.

My organizational skills suck. No, really, they do. I found myself wandering isles of grocery stores cutting out coupons as I shopped because I was too incredibly lazy to sort them. I started out gung-ho (told ya),  had a binder with baseball card holders (PRIMO way to organize coupons by the way), separated by department and then alphabetized by brand name in each department (I was a coupon badass). That lasted about 2 months, tops.

I'm heading back that direction, but I've enlisted the help of my kids. They think it's cool to don pairs of scissors and cut on the dotted line.

Another option is to use an accordion file and sort that way. You can Google coupon organization for other ideas.

Once you're organized (or at least have your organization system set up) the one must do is make SURE you get the Sunday paper. You can buy it from the store (you'll pay for it in a couple of coupons), but even better is having the subscription sent to your home. You can usually get a better price AND you don't have to get out of your flannel pjs and bunny slippers!

So that's the beginning. Stay tuned for more today to get you rolling onto saving!

~Kim

Painted ladies...

feel bolder!

So in light of my  recent epiphany, the one where I discovered I'm hitting my mid-life crisis, I've started to do small things I haven't done before.

I painted my fingernails.

It sounds insignificant, and in reality it probably is, but it made a difference!

Before I painted my nails (a bright freaking pink) I looked at my hands and thought, "Holy fuck, my hands look SO old!" And they did. My hands look like a (almost) 40 year old's hands.

So I started scrambling, thinking about what I can do to combat that. Started going through the usual suspects, lotion, gloves, other hand remedies. To which I immediately thought, "There's no way in hell I can do those things every day."

I spied a bottle of my daughter's bright pink nail polish sitting on my desk. I picked it up and looked at it and decided I was painting my nails.

Now to give you an idea of what my nails look like.

I have the nails of a 12 year old boy. Short, down below the finger tips, and uneven.

BUT I painted them anyhow. I looked at my hands today and they already look younger! I was SO excited.

One small accomplishment for me, one giant leap to a younger me! (ok maybe not a GIANT leap, but it sure feels like it!)

~Kim

Like to save money...

well then come on in!

I like to save money as much as the next person.

Because of my ADD nature, I bounce in and out of couponing, BUT you don't have too.

Tomorrow I'll be posting some beginning tricks to couponing, plus (possibly) some of the blogs and websites that I use to save money.

If you've seen Extreme Couponing on TLC, let me tell you this: THIS IS NOT IT!

I've managed to save about 70% on some of my grocery trips. It's easy, but does require some time and a little bit of organization. There are some things (if you're willing to put in the time and effort) that you can do to save your family money on things they use every single day!

Have your pens (keyboard/crayons/markers whatever you can find) ready, so that you can start your journey to saving some money (and even getting some free stuff!).

Pinch a penny or rub two nickels together or find a pot to piss in. The sky's the limit!

~Kim

I bleed...

Blue and Gold!

Yep, I do. I've been a Notre Dame fan ever since I can remember.

Living next to the city that houses the storied campus has fed the fever for years. Although I've never been to a game, I feel connected to this team.

This year was special. An undefeated regular season and a trip to the National Title Game. AMAZING!

There are some amazing players on the 2012 Irish football team. Of course there's Manti Te'o. He is amazing both on and off the field. If you haven't heard of him (football fan or not) you must be living in a hole!

Everett Golson, the red-shirt freshman, stepped in to lead the team at quaterback. Watching him grow this year was awesome. He matured so much throughout the season that I know, next year, he's going to do great things.

There are so many players I could mention, so many, but I digress.

I told myself, "Even if they don't win the title, it was an amazing season!" And it was, BUT...Alabama (it kills me to even type that) was, by far, the better team Monday night. They knew how to shut the Irish down. And they did. The score was SO one sided throughout the entire game that I wanted to cry for "our guys."

I suppose the thing that bothers me most about the loss (other than the 42-14 score) is that now all the critics are going to feed off of their defeat. I'll have to listen to shouts of "We told you they had an easy schedule" and "They're not relevant, like we've been saying all season long."

Hold your heads up boys! 12-0 regular season is nothing to sneeze at, but I'll take that tissue to cry over the title loss.

~Kim

Caution: Mid-life Crisis Ahead...

and in full swing!

I've surmised that I must be in the beginning stages of a mid-life crisis.

Rather than buying a fast car (which I would totally do if I didn't have 3 bundles of joy who had to fit in it) or trading in my husband for a younger man (they're SO hard to train and WAY too much work!), I've decided that it's time to transform me.

Yeah I know I went on and on about all the things that I wanted to change about myself, but how I probably never would. Well, this is a part of my joyous personality laced with spontaneity and immaturity.

Yep, I said immaturity. I'm a perpetual 20 year old trapped in a (nearly) 40 year old body. I really don't think I will ever grow out of the "hmmm 20 bucks in the bank or 20 bucks for something that gives me instant gratification" stage of my life. Quite frankly, I don't want to.

Hopefully, I can build enough of a legacy, that when I do kick the bucket, my kids will say "Damn my mom was awesome!" instead of "Damn! She didn't leave us an assload of money!"

I mean really, I know it's not financially responsible to not have a padded bank account, but live now, or die with lots of money I can't take with me? I don't ever want to say "I wish I did," I want to say "I did!"

I want my kids to say "I had everything I ever wanted AND my mom made sure I got to see and do everything I possibly could!"

Yeah, I know some day we'll be "retired" and have to have money then, but that's what 401ks and IRAs are for. I'd rather throw 40 bucks in the gas tank and see The World's Largest Ball of Twine than throw it in a savings account and say "I have money in the bank that I'm not going to use so I'll just sit in the same chair in the same house and do the same thing day after day."

As long as there is food on the table, a roof over our heads, and clothes for our bodies, we're ahead of a lot of people in this world.

So my fun-loving spontaneity will never be quelled and my immaturity will never cease. Those things allow me to dance in the rain, sing off key, and embarrass my kids every chance I get (because I mean what fun would having kids be if you can't embarrass the hell out of them by being silly!).

Don't let life stifle you!

~Kim

If it ain't broke...

Don't fix it.

Technically,  I already broke my New Year's resolution to post every day. Really, I didn't. Yesterday was the day from hell.

We've battled lice four times this year. Ain't that grand.

So finally, I decided this was the last time this year that I was going to deal with it.  The shampoos just didn't seem to be working anymore, so I went to battle with an old home remedy. Vaseline and shower caps.

This thrilled my kids to no end. Helping me clean the house while fashionably modeling plastic shower caps was an awesome way to spend the day!

Complaints of "my head is sweating!" and "why does my head weight 10lbs?" rang throughout the day.

This remedy is awesome! No chemicals, no burning scalps, just lots and lots of icky, sticky Vaseline.

What I didn't think about was....how the hell do you get Vaseline out of hair?!?!

I thought it would be easy. Just use some dish soap and viola! No more Vaseline!

Yeah, NOT!

But, thanks to Google, I did find something that works. Olive oil. Yup olive oil breaks down petroleum jelly so that you can wash it out with dish soap. Still don't get how putting oil on your hair makes it easier to remove another type of oil, but that's why I'm a blogger and not a scientist!

So today is going to be filled with Dawn showers to get the rest of the olive oil out, but the good news....no more bugs!

Oh, and laundry until kingdom come...

Exterminator extraordinaire, signing off!

~Kim

Sanity check point...

failed!

The kids all received an assortment of gift cards for Christmas. So, after going a little stir crazy after a couple of days home from vacation, I decided it would be fun to take the kids to the mall to spend their gift cards.

Holy hell. Let's just say: Well, it was an idea!

We started at Build-A-Bear. Dani built her bear, (which plays One Direction - Beautiful ugh!)  picked out clothes and a bed and a sleeping bag and shoes. Then we go to the register and it's a little more than her giftcards, so I go to pull my debit card out of my wallet...Guess who's the asshole that left her debit card at home?

Me.

So 10 minutes of convincing Dani that we are coming back to get her bear, but we HAVE to go home to get Mom's debit card or else she can't get the bear at all, I had to pratically drag her out of Build-A-Bear kicking and screaming. She skulked through to mall to get to the car, all the while I'm telling her that "The faster we move the faster we'll get back to your bear." It seemed to make her move even slower.

By this time, we're all starving, and I can do nothing about that either because I'm a moron!

We get home, get my debit card, and toodle back off. Then the gas light comes on in the car.

I pull into the gas station to gas up, with her yelling from the back seat "NO! NO! I want my bear!" To which I explain that if I don't get gas, we won't ever make it back to get her bear. and she says "YES WE CAN! If we run out of gas just call Gramma!"

There's an idea. Just call Gramma so she can lecture me about how irresponsible I am. Um...NO THANKS!

I gas up, we get the bear. Then we go to Finishline where my sons proceed to buy some of the ugliest shoes known to man. Both of which are wearing size 9 and 10 in MENS...Yeah their feet are HUGE! (I told B that he had to hit a growth spurt soon or he'd look like Bozo the Clown. He didn't know who Bozo was!)

After that fun experience, we went to eat. That is a challenge in itself. Getting everyone to decide what they want to eat is a life changing event. I dare anyone on Survivor to get out and take my kids to a food court and come out in some other fashion than drooling and rocking in the fetal position.

Finally, our last stop in the mall is Aeropostale. Trying to figure out what pre-teens and teens like when it comes to fashion is like trying to decipher heiroglyphics with a Spanish dictionary.

Finally out of the mall, we head to Toys R Us....The boys hit the video game section and the lil one and I start shopping. She shops like a typical woman (ok maybe just me). Picking up everything and putting it in the cart without knowing how much it costs, then getting disgusted when there's more stuff than money.

We spent about 4 and a half hours shopping. I tried really hard not to rush them. I wanted them to have to figure out how much things cost and how we can't always afford the things we want. BUT there comes a time when I just want to go home.

So now they're enjoying all of their stuff and I'm sitting here exhausted!

~Kim

Post Mortem...

holiday let down.

These days after the holidays are like a big hormonal let down. It's like Holiday-pause. Thankful that the hustle and bustle of the holiday season is done for the last year, saddened by all the things that didn't happen for you last year.

All the presents are forgotten. The reason behind every celebration (holiday: Christmas, Yule, Hanukkah, Kwanza etc) is over and tucked away until the end of the year. Family is back to their fun, dysfunctional selves. You don't have to see Great Aunt Martha who squeezes your cheeks for about twelve more months. It's a big upheaval.

New Years resolutions are written and some are already broken.

The kids are back to themselves. No more trying to be good so you get all the expensive stuff they'll forget about later. The bills are piling up from all the holiday festivities.

Yup, everything is back to normal.

I don't want it to be back to normal. I want the fun to continue.

Ok, so I'm lying.

I just want this year to be better than last year. That's all I want.

Is that so much to ask?

I don't think so.

It shouldn't be that hard. Baby steps right? I need to remind myself that I am better off than a bazillion people on the face of the earth.

I have so much more than I need. I'm so lucky. So why do I have Holiday-pause? Who the hell knows!

Joy to the world, and junk and stuff.

~Kim

A bun in the oven...

means there was a snake in the bush...

Watching the news tonight, I found out that Kim Kardashian is pregnant.

Keeping Up With the Kardashians is one of my guilty pleasures. Before you start mocking me, let me tell you why.

That family is so dysfunctional. They're normal people with a lot of money. They have a lot of the same problems as "normal" people do. The big difference, they're doing it on TV and they can afford a very expensive shrink (or six).

I admire Khloe. She's a healthy sized gal and she looks fabulous. In fact, I could see myself hanging out with her, we sort of have the same thing going on with our internal censor; they're non-existent. She likes to take care of her husband (which is fun to watch because he loves it but sometimes she goes just a tad too far) and she wants babies. It's not happening for them yet, but I surely hope it does.

Kourtney is a whole other can of worms. She wants to take care of her babies and doesn't want her boyfriend to become her husband (even though they are engaged I'm sure it will be a long one or Scott will go back to drinking after they tie the knot. I hope they make it longer than Kim and Chris.)

Kim being pregnant is a little disturbing to me though. Not to mention the father (or so I assume) is Kanye West. He hasn't exactly been my favorite person since he interrupted Taylor Swift a couple of years ago. He doesn't exactly have a fabulous reputation. Kim's still off of a fresh divorce from Chris and she's knocked up. I hope I'm wrong, but she's going to be a single mom before long...Ok, a single mom with 3 nannies and an assload of money but still...

So anyhow, yeah. My guilty pleasure always seems to pay off. It reminds me that regardless of your celebrity, you're still a person who can fuck up (Not Lindsey Lohan fucked up but...) and have emotions that pile up higher than your money.

This is what happens when your fame comes from a "leaked" sex tape. Maybe I should try that...although I look more like Honey Boo-Boo's momma than a Kardashian.

~Kim

I am woman...

hear me roar with frustration!

Women are so many different things to so many different people in their lives. It can become very frustrating.

Women in general are complicated beasts. Yeah I called us beasts, because we are. We love fiercely, we give fiercely, we're fiercely protective of our friends and families.

We also deal with a lot of pressure. Life is like a pressure cooker, if we don't vent before we finish we're likely to explode!

As a mom and wife, I spent many years lost in what I thought SHOULD be my only world, my husband and my kids. I listened to my mom, my in-laws, and numerous friends about how a parent and wife should be.

Well you know what? FUCK THAT! Losing myself in soccer and baseball and cheer and school and homework and housework and cooking and baking and and and...You get my point. I totally lost who I was because I deferred to people who "knew what they were doing."

Some people are perfectly happy doing those things and honestly, I love doing those things for my family (most of the time). BUT (and it's a big one)...It didn't complete me.

In recent years, I've found friends that I wouldn't have found if I was the old me. I've decided to not sweat what other people think. I never did. Ok, that's a lie, I've always said I didn't care what other people thought of me, but I did. Otherwise I wouldn't have done what I did for so long.

I don't feel that way anymore. For several reasons, but the big one is: I was not happy. Nope, not one iota. I was miserable. It hurt my marriage and my relationship with my kids. I resented having to be Susie homemaker.

EVERYONE needs to have something just for them. Hobbies, girls' nights, strip clubs, whatever. As long as it's not detrimental to you, DO IT! And don't feel guilty about doing it either. Ever.

Oh, and PLEASE don't let other simpletons make you feel guilty either!

Those who mind, don't matter and those that matter don't mind!

~Kim

If you're happy and you know it...

watch out for those who are unhappy because they tend to try to take your happiness and give it a good swift kick in the ass.

Yep. It's true. I watch it happen over and over and over again.

Dear Unfulfilled Jackasses,

Keep your unhappiness to yourselves. It's contagious, like the flu. Just because I've found happiness and you haven't doesn't give you the right to tell me how to behave or how to display my joy. If you don't like it, bite me.

Sincerely,
Not Necessarily Fulfilled But Happier Than You.

Yup, that's how I feel.

Did you ever notice when you get a case of the meanies, you can piss off perfectly happy people? Misery loves company, doesn't it?

Well fuck that, lock yourself in your bedroom with some chocolate, liqour, and porn and don't open the door until you're happy!

Smile and the world smiles with you.

~Kim

Who do you think you are...

telling me I need to buy something to make me more beautiful?

Fuck that. Beauty is so subjective. Everyone on this Earth is different. Different is beautiful. Tall, short, fat, thin, fluffy, wrinkled, tan, pale...Does it really matter what we look like?

There are some people considered physically beautiful, but as soon as they open their mouth they are the most ugly people on the planet.

I say, do what makes YOU feel beautiful.

I've always tried not to judge people, doesn't mean that I don't judge people, I'm human, it happens. And don't try to bullshit yourself and say "Well, *I* don't judge people." Everyone does, consciously or subconsciously. Of course, the way we judge people is subjective as well. It depends on our own lifestyle, our station in life, our neighborhoods, our upbringing, or any other numerous things that have made an impression on us in our lives.

Stereotyping is our worst enemy. There are cries every day for equality. Gender equality, race equality, sexual preference equality, political, religious, etc. Until everyone stops screaming about equality, pointing out how a particular group was treated throughout history, and realizes we're all human who bleed red, we can never have equality. NEVER.

Until people stop feeling like they are owed something because of the way their ancestors were treated, equality is unobtainable. Until we are willing to work to better ourselves, doing whatever needs to be done to move ahead in our lives, equality is unobtainable. Until we teach our children that hard work (even if it means working at McDonald's while searching for something better) is the best way to succeed, not stealing, dealing drugs, or living off the government.

We need to remember we're raising the next generation of leaders. What we feed the next generation is what we're going to see our world turn in to. For example, if we teach hate (even inadvertently) we will see a country that hates. If we teach tolerance and respect, we will see a productive society that grows and emulates respect and tolerance.

Teach your kids and the kids in your community to respect each other, respect the law, respect difference and we won't have to have these "Wars on (insert whatever cause here)."

Talk TO each other not AT each other. Get to know the people around you. RESPECT the people around you. Give people who are different than you a chance.

You'll find they're human too.

~Kim

I yam what I yam...

but that’s not all that I am.

Things I learned about myself in 2012 will definitely affect me in 2013. Ok, hopefully I’ll at least pause and think, “I already tried that and blew it,” before doing it again.

I learned that I can juggle a family full of busy people. Sports, music, school, friends, dinner, laundry, etc.  Yeah, I can do that, even mostly successfully.  I mean I’m far from perfect, so I’m bound to fuck up, once in a while.

I’ve learned that no matter how much I want something, I have to have the drive to do something other than think about it and that once I start to put it into action, it’s going to take some work. Usually I’m not willing to put that kind of work into it.

I’ve learned that my ADD is probably my best friend. It’s what gives me the ability to have 15 chainsaws in the air and only nick myself once in a while rather that chopping one of my appendages off. Don’t get me wrong, the nicks hurt like hell, but it means I can keep on going.

I’ve learned that dwelling on the past does absolutely nothing but fuck up the present and sometimes does almost irreparable damage to the future.

I’ve learned there are some things I want to change about myself. I’ve also learn that I may or may not ever change them. And I’m ok with that. It fits my personality.

I’ve learned that rather than need a nudge in the right direction, I may need a forceful SHOVE.

I’ve learned about accountability and how that’s a value very few people possess.

I’ve also learned that my life doesn’t have to be what it is, but I am the only person that has the ability to change it.

I always tell my kids to have a short memory (usually during one of their numerous games). Forget the bad. It’s the only way to move on, to get better, and to be happy.  I should take my own advice.

You should take my advice too.

Happy New Year!

~Kim

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaack...

It’s that time again, time to make those New Year’s resolutions. Well, I’m swimming against the stream this year. I’m not making resolutions to lose weight, take better care of myself, or any other of the plethora of resolutions people make for the New Year. My resolution is to be a voice. I want to be a voice for myself. I also want to be a voice for the people who are afraid or unable to use theirs. 

No, this isn’t some great philanthropic thing that I’m talking about here.  I’m talking about talking, blowing the politically correct bullshit right out of the water. Letting it all hang out, for better or for worse. If it makes one person smile or look at something from a different point of view, fan-freaking-tastic. If you’re not that person and want to bitch about what I’m saying here…Just walk away from the keyboard.

So a few things about my big New Years post: if you know me, awesome, then you know I’m not full of shit and I tend to speak my mind, again, for better or for worse. If you’re new here, I speak my mind, for better or for worse. 

I’ll be starting off the New Year with a post full of some insights. Ok, maybe not insights, and most likely some oddball shit that will have you scratching your head, but hey, it’s my blog, so suck it up buttercup!

The Mordant Matriarch is back!

Over the river...

                And through the mountains, home from vacation we go. Two days trapped in my van with the three kids has yielded much fodder. It has also tested my patience. Repeatedly. Over and over and over again. You get the idea. It might seem like overkill, but I assure you if you were trapped in my van with these three kids you would see that this is an understatement!

Thank God for technology. It made the drive better than what it could have been. Although, it is sad to see license plate bingo go the way of the dodo.

If the little one asks me what state we’re in again, I think my head might explode. No, I’m not being over-dramatic. Okay, maybe a little. Nope. Not at all. She has gone through spurts where she asks every 5 minutes what state we’re in and when I tell her she says, “No we’re not!” Really? We’re not? You know where we are? Then STOP ASKING ME!!!

Then you get the oldest playing parent. “Stop it! Didn’t you hear what Mom said?!”  I hear myself out of his mouth every once in a while. It makes me stop and think “Do I really sound like that?” Yup. I do. 

I would resolve to not yell as much in 2013, but I can’t even type that without going “Yeah, right!”

New Year’s resolutions are bullshit anyhow. It’s all the stuff that sucked last year with “I resolve” stuck in front of it. If you didn’t change it last year, what makes you think you’ll change it this year?

Yeah I know, hope. Hope is a wonderful thing. It truly is, BUT hope is kind of like ‘want’ (you know, “want in one hand, shit in the other and see which fills up first”) Hope has to have some kind of action tied to it. You can’t just hope for a new car and it will fall into your lap. You can’t hope to lose weight while eating that Big Mac. Why can’t we say something like “I will try to be less lazy this year.” or “ I won’t be as big of a douche this year.” What’s wrong with that?  Baby steps people.

Resolutions don’t have to be life changing, they can be a tool that is used to make things suck just that much less!

~Kim